Feelings of loneliness creep in, which could result in depression and anxiety, to name but a few emotions. The impact can be devastating, on an emotional, logistical, and financial level, which often results in couples staying together for longer than what is considered healthy for either of them. People are confronted with loss on various levels, which includes shared dreams and goals, as well as past and future shared challenges and triumphs that they had endured or dreamt of achieving together. The realisation that you might have lost a part of yourself in the relationship causes distress, and the process forward in terms of how to rebuild yourself seems daunting, and it is common for people to not see themselves clearly in the early phases of a divorce.
The phases that one goes through is unique to each individual, and feelings such as anger, hurt, betrayal, resentment, feelings of depression and disappointment usually come to the fore. Receiving the necessary support during this period is crucial, as part of the process involves having to rebuild your identity and develop a new life without your partner. Having spent a huge portion of your energy and time on saving the marriage, dealing with confrontations and disappointments, and later the divorce proceedings, for the past months or even years, chances are that you have neglected some very important aspects of yourself. You were focusing all your energy on not losing the partnership, not losing the children, and/or not losing your lifestyle. It is normal to feel uprooted, which is why the challenge in dealing with separation and divorce fundamentally requires a reconnection with who you are, a reconnection with that lost part of you that contains your passion and energy for life; the part that contains your dreams and expectations of a great life. You need to figure out who you are now, and who you want to be. When you manage that, you will feel a sense of being in control again. And when you feel that you are in control again, the anger and sadness will gradually fade.