by Rozanne Els
What plays a role in a teenager’s decision to have sex?
As a parent, it would have been ideal to think that all our teenagers make a conscious decision to have sex, though unfortunately this is often not the case. Often teens find themselves in a less than desirable position on an emotional as well as physical level, where peer pressure as well as the need to fit in create situations where they might be caught off guard. Sometimes physical relationships and experiences lead to situations where they do not know how to stop it from turning into sex . Peer pressure plays a role to a very large degree, where teenagers often feel that they have to have sex in order to be accepted by their friends or sometimes by their boyfriends. They often do not understand the emotional as well as physical impact of becoming sexually active, and might not be willing to talk to their parents about it. Thus, they are often unprepared for sexual experiences and the subsequent impact is often left unaddressed. They might find themselves in situations where they do not want to admit vulnerability to their friends in this regard, at the risk of being teased. The collective result of the sense that they cannot go anywhere with this issue isolates them, and they then try and figure it out on their own, opening up possibilities of pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases.
What are some of the feelings that teens can experience when they find out they’re pregnant?
Often feelings of shame, regret, fear, uncertainty and shock are experienced, which often results in them not telling their parents. Depression is a real risk, and these situations can lead to them isolating themselves even more. The danger in this is that they often consider abortion in an attempt to “make the problem go away”, though they often do not take the emotional aftermath of this choice into consideration. Dealing with it in isolation is creates a dangerous situation, as they might be fearful of telling their parents, which often acts as a catalyst to take action on their own. Teenagers often experience shame when finding out that they are pregnant, where social stigma is often attached to falling pregnant whilst still in school.
What key advice would you give a teenager that has just found out she’s pregnant? And to her parents?
What are some of the consequences of teenage pregnancy?
Breathe. It is a big shock to find out that you are pregnant, but there are different options to consider. You are going to need support in order to work through this, so try to not isolate yourself. It might not feel like it now, but telling your parents is the best thing to do. Needless to say, the relationships that teenagers maintain with their parents are unique, and I realise that some relationships might be considered difficult. However, take time to consider the depth of your relationship, as teenagers live in the here and now, and might need to consider that their parents have been there for them in the past, and that what they are experiencing at the moment might be temporary. You might be surprised as to the support you can get from your parents, do not underestimate them.
Parents need to remain calm if their teenager discloses, even though that might be extremely challenging. Assure them that you will support them through this, and that you will assist them in making a decision as to the best possible way forward. Do not blame them for being irresponsible and reckless, they know that already, and you do not know the circumstances under which they fell pregnant. Furthermore, they might act impulsively if they feel judged. It is normal to be disappointed should this happen, but there is nothing that can change the fact that they are pregnant. The boy’s parents should be informed, though this area is very unique and should be dealt with carefully. Allow him to do so himself, if possible, as it would be better coming from their own son than from you.
What can be done to combat teen pregnancy?
Parents need to maintain an open channel of communication with their teenagers, boys and girls alike. Most parents believe that their teenagers are not yet sexually active, and it usually comes as a shock when they find out that this is not the case. Teenagers need to be educated, about the facts of sex, but also about the emotional impact. If they find themselves in a situation where they feel unsafe, they should have enough trust in their relationship with their parents to rather phone and ask to get picked up, even if they might get into trouble for being there. Often parents are naïve about where their teenagers are and what they are doing, but if interest (not judgment) is shown as it relates to their lives, relationships and struggles, they will be much more inclined to be honest and truthful. Parents will be surprised how many teenagers desire to have a closer relationship with them, though teenagers themselves might not always show this. It might not be possible to prevent your teenager from having sex, but if you suspect that they are sexually active, talk to them about it, and, if necessary, discuss possible contraceptive methods. Some parents might feel that if they do this, they are condoning their teens having sex, though this often might have the opposite effect. Rather be aware and act in a preventative manner with regards to pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, than be shocked when it is too late.
